


The Perfect Pup

by aheadfulloffollies



Category: Lunar Chronicles - Marissa Meyer
Genre: College AU, Gen, but that's ok it was fun, essentially a crack fic that takes itself way too seriously, i honestly don't know why i did this, jacin's pov, normal civilians au, thorne is a dog au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aheadfulloffollies/pseuds/aheadfulloffollies
Summary: An AU in which Thorne is a dog (and the Rampion Crew are normal university-goers). That pretty much sums it up. Previously posted on my TLC Oneshots Book.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	The Perfect Pup

Cress was allergic to cats.

It was a shame, really, because she quite liked the animals. Thankfully, her allergies still allowed her to be around them for certain periods of time, but it would not be a wise course of action to get one.

Which meant, in her search for a furry companion, she had decided to get a dog.

After tedious interweb searching, she found the perfect pup. He was a rascal, according to both the original owners and the pound he had been in before Cress released him from captivity. But Cress refused to believe that he was doing anything other than trying his best. Besides, he was the cutest dog she'd ever seen.

Unfortunately, Cinder disagreed.

"He's annoying," she groaned, nudging Thorne aside with her foot and gazing at him with a very disdainful expression. Unfortunately for her, the pup had gained some sort of an attachment to her, refusing to leave her alone.

Kai looked at the dog suspiciously. "I don't like him. He's-"

"You just don't like him because he's emotionally attached to your girlfriend," said Iko, leaning down to scratch Thorne behind his ears, which Winter soon joined him at. "I, for one, think he's _adorable_."

Wolf wrinkled his brow and looked down at the blob of dirty blond floof currently laying on the floor, happily accepting Iko's and Winter's adoration and hesitantly moved his chair a little further away. Kinney looked very read to follow suit.

Scarlet, on the other hand, leaned down to Thorne and picked him up. Removed from his blissful cuddling, the look on his face said it all. Looking around to avoid Scarlet's penetrating gaze, he let out a little yip of _help me_. Amused, no one lifted a finger.

"Carswell Thorne," Scarlet mused, absentmindedly ruffling the fur on his head and squishing his ears slightly.

Thorne didn't seem to mind, immediately softening to Scarlet's touch. Iko awe'd in the background.

"You're cute, I suppose. And Cress isn't very well going to get rid of you." She scrutinized him once more, then nodded and set him down again, causing Thorne to growl in protest. He gained attachments quickly, something that Cress found extremely endearing.

"So you like him?!" Cinder asked incredulously as Thorne trotted off to nuzzle Cress affectionately. The only member of their study group he hadn't gone near thus far was Jacin, who he seemed slightly intimidated by. That icy glare meant something to dogs too, it seemed, and no amount of Winter's begging made either Jacin or little Thorne relent.

Scarlet shrugged. "Well enough."

Wolf made a face and crossed his arms stubbornly. "I still don't like him."

Winter laughed and resumed playing with Thorne. "Wolf-friend, Jacin-friend, Cinder-friend, Kinney-friend, and Kai-friend need to accept Thorne."

"Yes!" Iko picked up Thorne and dropped him in Jacin's lap. "Bond."

Jacin looked at her flatly, picking up Thorne like a dirty banana peel and dropping him back on the floor. "No."

Iko sighed and picked up Thorne again, much more gently than Jacin had. Once again, she placed him on Jacin's lap. " _Bond_."

"I may have the looks and the skill," said Jacin, "but no, I'm afraid I'm not James Bond."

Iko fumed silently.

"Jacin!" Cress squeaked, laughing as Thorne licked Jacin's face. He'd forgotten to remove the pup and, as Thorne did, he'd gained an attachment to Jacin just as resolute as his determination to stay away mere moments ago.

Jacin, a disgusted look donning his face, picked up Thorne again. "No," he said. "Don't do that."

"Dogs aren't like that," Cress explained. "They don't understand you when you say that."

"Unfortunately," Cinder grumbled as Jacin set Thorne down again and he zoomed straight over to her. "I'm like a beacon for this monster."

"He's not a _monster_ ," Kai protested, beginning to warm to the pup.

"He is most definitely a monster," said Jacin, still wiping at the place where Thorne had licked him.

"Thorne is a good dog," Winter said, kneeling down on the floor to carefully remove Thorne from the piece of paper he'd been shredding. "Kinney, did you need this test?"

"No," said Kinney. "But this dog is clearly destructive and ruinous. It would be best not to keep him around-"

"Oh, shut your mouth," Iko said, hugging Thorne close to her. "He's adorable."

If anything, this only seemed to anger Kinney more.

Carefully, Cress removed Thorne from Iko's grasp, cradling him almost like a baby. "Well, Thorne's staying for good, so you'd better get used to it." He licked her face and yipped in response, clearly happy with his owner's declaration.

Wolf grumbled under his breath and held out his arms. "I will try to accept Thorne for your sake, Cress."

Cress beamed. "Thank you!"

Still grumbling, Wolf took Thorne and set him on his lap awkwardly. Wolf was so large and Thorne so small that he barely took up any room, moving around curiously and even biting Wolf's shirt. "Kinney is not wrong."

Scarlet laughed. "Come on, Wolf. He's not that bad."

Sighing, Wolf picked Thorne up again, looking him in the eye. "You do not eat anything of mine, and I will tolerate you. Deal?"

In response Thorne nipped at his finger.

Sighing, Wolf set Thorne down. "Close enough."

"Yay!" Cress squealed.

"Wonderful," Jacin croaked flatly.

Cress sighed and gathered Thorne up in her arms. "You'll warm up to him eventually. Now, back to actual studying."

\---

"He's a _demon_ ," Jacin exclaimed. In the past week, everyone but him had warmed to the pup- even Kinney. But Jacin simply refused to budge, even for Cress and Winter.

"He is not! He's adorable."

"In the past week, he's destroyed ten tests and fifteen homework assignments. He peed on me twice. Wolf's Halloween costume ripped, and he stole Cinder's miniature ship."

"That ship was a dog toy," Cress protested. "Cinder was just emotionally attached to it."

"It was Peony's," Jacin said flatly, referring to the dog and only childhood companion Cinder had growing up.

"Okay, true, and he maybe shouldn't have done that. But he's a dog! What do you expect from him?"

"Non-demonic behaviour," Jacin said with a completely straight face. Sometimes Cress wondered how he managed to be so cynical. Thorne was adorable. Annoying sometimes, yes, and borderline ruinous at times, but adorable and unusually charming.

"He is _not_ a demon." Cress shook her head resolutely. "Nor does he act like one. Cinder forgave him, so why can't you?!"

"Maybe," he said evenly, "Cinder is just a better person than me."

Cress threw up her hands in defeat just as an idea came to her. She was leaving with Iko and Cinder for a week as part of a volunteer project to distribute antidotes to a recent epidemic in rural areas, and needed someone to petsit Thorne.

"Jacin?"

"Yes?"

"Winter's going to be in town with you when I'm gone with Cinder and Iko next week, right?"

The look Jacin gave her left Cress not having to guess how much he suspected this sudden change of subject. "Yes."

"Lovely."

\---

The minute Cress asked him if he and Winter were going to be in town when she was gone with Cinder and Iko, Jacin knew that this must be a trap. The only problem was, he didn't know how.

Looking back, he couldn't believe his idiocy.

"You're kidding," he said, looking disdainfully at the ball of dirty blond fluff bundled in Cress's arms. She stood on his front porch, carrying the pup with the promise of many more supplies stored away in her car.

"No! Winter said it was alright."

"Winter said-" Jacin glared at Cress before turning behind him, where Winter had been standing silently. She smiled brightly, which only succeeded in strengthening his glare.

"Cress-friend needed the favour, and Thorne is a wonderful dog," Winter said, gladly taking Thorne into her arms. The pup licked her face in response, earning a happy laugh from Winter. Jacin, on the other hand, looked less than happy with this development.

"Cress. We cannot take this demon into our house."

"Jacin!" Winter reprimanded.

"He's going to eat all our things! Or at least pee on them," he grumbled. This was the worst development he'd experienced since Winter's crazy aunt tried to poison her.

"He will not. Cress has trained him wonderfully and Thorne is much better behaved now," Winter said, nuzzling Thorne before setting him down. Immediately he dashed down to the kitchen area, ready to explore this new terrain. Mere seconds later they heard a soft yelp as Thorne wandered back to where they were standing, a dazed look in his eyes and a roll of paper towels trailing behind him. He looked far too pleased with himself.

Jacin moved his glare from Cress to the dog, who seemed thoroughly unaffected and merely dashed off another hall, leaving the paper towels and mass chaos behind.

Well, maybe mass chaos was a slight overreaction. But really, not much.

"This is a horrible idea."

"Cress-friend is leaving today and she cannot bring Thorne with her," Winter said. "We can't leave her in a lurch."

"Scarlet and Wolf can take him."

"They actually can't," Cress jumped in. "Emilie is staying with them this week since she's having renovations done and she's allergic to dogs."

"I'm allergic to dogs too," Jacin complained.

Winter and Cress looked at him blankly.

"Well, this dog, at least," he relented. "If Scarlet and Wolf can't, then Kai will. He loves Thorne."

"Actually-" Cress started, cut off suddenly by a loud crashing noise, followed by an unusually loud whimper.

Jacin groaned. "What did that stupid animal get into this time."

But neither Cress or Winter were there to hear this declaration, as both of them were already heading down the hallway Thorne decided to wander, looking for the source of this crash. He reluctantly followed, internally cursing Cress's loneliness, the existence of golden retrievers, and everyone else's apparent business. Getting stuck with the demon for an entire week would be his undoing.

They eventually found Thorne cowering in the corner of the laundry room, a bottle of detergent lying on the floor with the cap broken and liquid slowly pouring across the floor. But this did not seem to be what was rendering Thorne immobile, although it was surely his doing. Across from him, in the opposite corner, sat two very large, very unwanted cockroaches.

Seeing his valiant protectors, Thorne only whimpered louder and made very large, very scared eyes at the cockroaches.

"He's scared of them!" Cress said, less in an isn't-this-annoying way (how Jacin was feeling) and much more reminiscent of aw-isn't-that-adorable.

Jacin groaned once again and glared at the dog. "I'll get the cockroaches."

"I'll get Thorne," Cress offered, already stepping over the spilled liquid to pick up her dog.

"I'll clean up the detergent," Winter said, picking up the container and setting it upright and on the shelf above the washing machine again.

\---

Cockroaches killed and flushed, detergent cleaned, and Cress off to get ready for her trip, Winter and Jacin were left alone with Thorne.

It was a bad situation to begin with, and although Jacin wasn't sure if the pup breaking things all over the house was in any way better, Thorne seemed to be traumatized by the (absolutely terrifying) things he had witnessed in his brief exploration. And instead of following Winter, which was the reasonable expectation since she could actually stand his incessant noises and attention, for some reason Thorne had set his eyes on Jacin and refused to stop following him since the incident.

"Please," he said, trying his best to convey this message to the dog. "Leave me alone."

Thorne merely tilted his head at Jacin and panted harder.

"Leave me alone. Go away. Run off and follow Winter. She actually likes you."

Thorne licked the hand Jacin was using to try and bribe him with treats.

"No. Don't do that. Never do that. If you do that again, I will-"

"Jacin! Who are you- oh," Winter said, entering the kitchen to see her fiancé kneeling in front of the golden retriever, looking annoyed and tired, holding three treats in one hand and a piece of bacon in the other. "You're talking to Thorne."

"Yes," Jacin said. "I am talking to a dog. I have clearly reached a new level of insanity. Please submit me to a hospital so this horrendous creature no longer follows me everywhere."

Winter laughed, clearly mistaking his utmost sincerity as sarcasm. She took out a pot to start boiling water for tea and kneeled down to scratch Thorne between the ears. "Did you set up his food and water yet?"

Jacin looked between Winter to the treats in his hand to Thorne and back again. "Well, he's gotten his fair share of food. But I have not given him any water. Is that a method of bribery as well?"

"There's no bribery involved in basic survival," Winter laughed, moving around Jacin and Thorne- Thorne was now happily eating the piece of bacon as Jacin tried to slowly back away from him to no avail- and reached for the water bowl Cress gave them. She filled it and the pot and set the pot on the stove, the bowl on the ground.

Thorne immediately frolicked over, practically falling over and only just regaining his balance as he knelt over to drink.

"Oh no, he's dehydrated!" Winter fretted. Jacin merely looked at her blankly. If the dog died they could blame it on lack of experience and in the end it would be a win for everyone.

Winter looked at him and immediately knew what he was thinking. " _Jacin_."

He raised his hands in surrender and, suspecting that Thorne was too occupied with rehydrating himself to notice the absence of his new friend, began to walk away. He looked behind him and saw no dog, deflated with relief, and headed to the washroom to brush his teeth and ready for bed.

He was washing his hands when he heard the whining from outside the door, followed by the sound of scratching. Shocked, he finished quickly and turned off the faucet, opening the door to in fact see Thorne, pacing in front of the door. The dog looked up at him happily and yipped happily at seeing Jacin.

"You have got to be kidding me."

Picking up the dog, Jacin held it as far away from him as he could as he walked into his bedroom. Winter had texted him saying she left off to her apartment, and so he dropped the dog onto the floor before lying down. After a quick exchange with Winter he confirmed that Thorne didn't need to be fed or given more water until the morning, and shut off the lights. The pup's annoying yips be darned, he was getting his sleep.

This turned out to be easier said than done.

"Can you shut up," he muttered as the dog made noises, incapable of shutting up, that were strangely reminiscent of beeps.

As he discovered in the next few minutes, Thorne apparently could not.

"What do you _want_ ," he groaned finally, rolling over to look at him and switching on the light once more.

The yips turned to whimpering under Jacin's gaze and the pup pawed at the base of the bed. Jacin's look turned to one of disgust as he began to understand what Thorne wanted. "You are not sleeping in the bed. You have a perfectly good one Cress definitely spent way too much money on out there." He pointed out the doorway, but Thorne didn't even look.

"No. That's awkward and annoying."

More yips.

Jacin shook his head and shut off the light again, trying his best to ignore the noises and get to sleep. He was halfway there when suddenly a very suspicious weight was felt right next to him. A single lick on his cheek confirmed that the blasted dog had somehow climbed on the bed.

Jacin closed his eyes as Thorne lied down, wanting to get rid of him but also far too tired to want to bother. The yipping had stopped and it was quiet, which meant that sleep wasn't too far...

\---

As usual, Jacin woke at what most of the others called an ungodly hour of morning, but he preferred to call "four AM". Only this time, he woke to more than vaguely warm sheets and crisp air.

It gave him a start to find that ball of fluff still curled up next to him, making soft snoring noises that somehow still reminded him of a soft beeping noise.

Jacin stared at the animal for a few more moments before deciding to ignore it.

He didn't like the dog any more that he had the night before, but maybe he could learn to tolerate it. Incessant beeping and all.


End file.
